A photo series of self portraits wearing my actual clothes that I still have from the 1980s.
My 80s Clothes: Camp Beverly Hills
* Wild at Heart & Weird on Top 2025 exhibition, The Lab on Santa Fe, Denver
Shirt: Camp Beverly Hills branded crop top I bought from a mail order catalogue in 1986 when I lived in Michigan. Found out later that staying at anything less than a 5 star hotel is considered camping in Beverly Hills.
Watch: Swatch watch with yellow band bought in 1988. Tried putting in a new battery but after sitting in a drawer for 35 years it was as dead as a doornail.
Pink framed sunglasses: Can’t remember where I bought them but it was some time around 1985-1986.
Shorts: Red tapered running shorts with blue trim by Balboa. Air dry on curtain rod or tumble dry, low heat so no further shrinking will occur.
My 80s Clothes: White Cardigan
* Wild at Heart & Weird on Top 2025 exhibition, The Lab on Santa Fe, Denver.
Sweater: With its oppressively heavy cotton material and dark navy colored bands along the v-neckline and sleeves, the white cardigan sweater by The Gap from the 80s has all the pomp and circumstance, elitism and arrogance of a classic tennis or cricket sweater only without the blue-blooded lineage to back it up.
No cable-stitch pattern here, the suffocatingly thick white cardigan sweater by The Gap is the perfect match for the guy who likes the finer things in life but doesn’t have the taste to recognize them when he sees them.
Purchased sometime between 1986-1988, the sweater is the perfect garment to wear in my beer can collection library while curled up in with a good book in my Reames Lounge Chair.
Shirt: short sleeve 100% cotton button up with lavender and black vertical and horizontal designs by “him” clothing brand. Heavily soiled around the collar. Purchased in 1986 in Utrecht, Netherlands about 20 minutes outside of Amsterdam.
The beer can collection background I shot in my bedroom around 1976-77. The boat background I shot on my dad’s boat heading south on the Detroit River in 1995-1996.
My 80s Clothes: Sports Tank 1989 and 2023
* Passepartout Photo Prize 9th Edition 2025, Honorable Mention
Shirt: SPORTS tank top by Puma, 65% polyester, 35% cotton I bought in 1988. And like the shirts that just say, “College”, Puma was targeting people who don’t care enough to pick a particular sport or team but just like the idea of sports in general. I guess I was one of them.
Shorts: Unknown polyester tri-tone bike shorts in 1989 photo. In the 2023 photo, black and gray bike shorts by Speedo I bought in 1988. Materials consisting of 92% cotton, 8% lycra – a groundbreaking material for the time. Hand wash in cool water, line dry to maintain fiber integrity.
Red, gold, green and black plastic bead reggae necklaces I bought in Venice Beach in 1988.
Watch: Yellow and black bumblebee Swatch watch bought in 1988. Tried putting a new battery but it was dead after sitting in a drawer for over 35 years.
Unfortunately I threw out the Persol sunglasses and shoes I had on in the 1989 photo but I still have the slouch socks!
My 80s Clothes: the Preppy Polo
I never really went through a preppy phase in the 80s however I did buy some preppy clothes as these photos prove. I also bought three pairs of colored pants: sky blue, white and yellow that each came with a cloth belt that I promptly threw out after the first vomit stain. Pro tip: wear dark colors to keggers.
Despite my appearance in the photographs, I never wore more than one polo shirt at a time and I never flipped the collars up. Not all of my self-respect was abandoned in the 80s. Although I did tuck them in.
Polo shirts, double layered: inner purple shirt by Calvin Klein, outer hot pink polo by the now defunct Oaktree brand. Both 100% cotton and purchased in 1984 or 1985 at the Northland Mall north of Detroit.
Pink and green striped 100% cotton sweater over the shoulders by Izod purchased in ’84-’85.
Both the surf board triumph and ocean flex backgrounds were taken in 1989 at Miami Beach.
My 80s Clothes: Leather and Boots 1987 and 2023
Leather jacket in 1987 photo is long gone along with the Flashdance chest hair revealing t-shirt and unknown jeans.
Vest in 2023 pic: nothing protects oneself better against the harsh Michigan winters than a leather vest. Purchased circa 1985, the alternating vertical leather and cotton striped vest by M. Julian was my jacket of choice for dorm room parties at Michigan State University campus in the mid-80s. Often accessorized with a gold herringbone chain and long sleeve pullover, nothing said I’m both fashionable and impractical like this smart and snazzy armless jacket.
Boots in both: whether wearing skinny or boot cut jeans, these boots were made for tucking in. The putty-puke colored snow-boot-high boots are ironically the last thing you want to wear in the snow with no insulation and water absorbing soft leather. With no brand name to be found anywhere on the boot inside or out, no credit can be given for the design of this stylin’ footwear featuring a non-functional for-looks-only lace up top. Purchased circa 1985 at either Chess King or Oaktree at the Northland Mall north of Detroit.
Tank top 2023 pic: 100% ribbed nylon white tank by Shorewood handed down from my grandfather. Most likely purchased by grandpa in the 60s or 70s. The semi-transparent nylon offers a slinky tease with a murky view of the bird’s nest lying just beneath the fabric. Why I have kept a ribbed nylon white tank top from the 60s or 70s remains a mystery to this day.
Jeans 2023 pic: classic Levi 501 jeans with button-up fly. While the 501 style hasn’t changed in decades, the dark yellow cheese stain from Bennigan’s potato skins on the inner thigh certifies their 80s authenticity.
Belt 2023 pic: black leather belt by men’s belt brand, Honest. Bought in 1989, the belt features double metal loops to securely batten down excess belt slack, if any.
Self portrait background photo taken in Miami in 1989 wearing a Venice Beach sweater, jorts, 80s boot-shoes and slouch socks.
My 80s clothes: The People’s Court Shirt 1988 and 2023
In my 1988 appearance on the TV show The People’s Court as the plaintiff in the case of The Low Blow Tow, I chose to win over Judge Wapner by sporting a 100% cotton button up shirt by Yamato that I bought in 1987. Machine wash warm on gentle cycle. Made in Japan.
My unpremeditated and impulsive fashion decision made the morning of, turned out to be a winning formula as Judge Wapner agreed with me and I was awarded a $62.50 judgement for the unlawful towing of my car.
The highlight of my court appearance was being able to confirm in person the size of host Doug Llewelyn’s head while he interviewed me.
As you can see in the January 2023 photo, the shirt has held up fairly well and has only slightly yellowed during its 36 years of incarceration.
My 80s Clothes: Spring Break 1989
* Portraits: Human and Animal 2025 exhibition, MVA Gallery, Bethlehem, Pennsylvannia
* Wild at Heart & Weird on Top 2025 exhibition, The Lab on Santa Fe, Denver
Tank Top: aspirational and prophetic “Come On Vacation, Leave On Probation” tank top I bought during spring break in Palm Springs in 1989. Being two years out of school by then I was past my spring breaking prime and failed to live up to the expectations established by my attire.
Sunglasses: authentic Cazal 627 Mod sunglasses I bought in 1988. No rapping skills required for purchase.
Beverage container: standard issue red plastic drinking cup designed for parties of all kinds where guests cannot be trusted with breakable cups.
Both the juke box background and the pool table background I shot in our family room around 1976-1977.
My 80s Clothes: The Tie 1987 and 2023
* Winner ICE CineFest 2024, Headshot
Side-by-side headshots, from 1987 and 2023. Can you guess which is which?
On a cold evening in January 1987 in a 2nd floor photo studio in a strip mall, I deployed the surefire hand to the chin posture. The go-to pose for an instant look of deep thought and earnest reflection. Add an optional pair of glasses to solidify your status as an industry thought leader.
In both photos I’m wearing a Perry Ellis Portfolio yellow tie with a hypnotizing geometric design. Made from 100% silk imported from Italy and pulled off the rack at Hudson’s department store in Detroit in 1985.
In the 1987 photo, I’m wearing a spotted linen shirt by Giorgio Armani bought in ’85 or ’86 that got permanently stained when something from the closet ceiling leaked on it. Or, I sneezed pizza sauce on it. Sadly, it has transitioned to the great landfill in the sky.
In the 2023 shot, I’m wearing a textured 100% combed cotton Jhane Barnes shirt made in Hong Kong also purchased in ’85 or ’86. The extra soft feel that combing cotton provides has survived to this day after years of wear during the hard partying 80s and is a testament to the quality of this timeless garment.
My 80s Clothes: Basketball
Soundtrack to be played while reading this: Basketball by Kurtis Blow (1984)
Jersey: wearing my brother’s Andover High School (Michigan) mesh basketball jersey from the 1980-1981 varsity season. Say goodbye to the sweaty and slime-filled ‘shirts and skins’ scrimmage with this double-lined reversible tank. Black on the outside, gray on the inside. Just flip a coin, pick your teams and it’s as hygienic as it’s going to get.
Faded print on front and back with “McDonald” peeling off the back from too many washes set on high agitation, heavily soiled.
Although my playing days ended as the center on the 8th grade Jr. High team, this jersey proved to be a formidable intimidator through the years striking fear in the hearts of opponents at the onset of pick-up games. Then the game started.
Shorts: in true 80s style, the Los Angeles Lakers branded top-of-the-thigh white shorts for maximum wind circulation in pelvic area. Purchased in 1988 after the Lakers back-to-back championships in ’87 and ’88, this is no cheap printed unlicensed knock-off. No costs were spared with the embroidered Lakers logo unpredictably affixed to the left hip. 65% polyester/35% cotton. Made in Thailand by Starter.
Sweatbands: moisture absorbent terry cloth red, gold and green reggae headband and wristbands bought in 1988 at a reggae concert and worn while roller skating at Venice Beach every weekend in 1988 and most of 1989.
Roller skating dancing ability roughly equivalent to my basketball skills as determined by audience vocalizations.
The basketball backgrounds I shot while shooting hoops in our driveway around 1976-77. In the first photo, my brother is holding up the ball while standing on a ladder.
My 80s Clothes: Call of the Argyle
The story of the argyle starts with socks. Two pairs purchased when I was in high school in 1982 or 1983. One pair features hopeful shades of greens and tans and the other reassuring earthy browns, oranges and dark red tones to make the wearer feel grounded, sturdy and connected to earth. Only five holes can be found across the four socks.
I usually wore the socks with a pair of light tan leather shoes I bought at The Wild Pair in the Northland Mall north of Detroit. When asked why I still have socks from high school the only answer I can come up with is, “they don’t take up any room”.
Moving up you’ll find a pair of beige shorts. I bought these specifically for the photo shoot as only a couple of my pairs of shorts from the 80s have survived to this day. Although they’re not my clothes from the 80s, I was assured of their 80s authenticity when a couple of old men with terrible taste complimented them after I came out of the fitting room at the thrift store where I bought them.
And then there’s the top: with a brand name like Boat House Row, you know you’re in for some serious boating clothes. Purchased in 1984 or ’85, this pink highlighted argyle pullover sweater vest screams, I’m the king of the world! Always worn without a shirt underneath, this was my go-to garment when captaining my dad’s boat, the Jimmy Mac.
Made from 100% cotton, I wore this one boating trip in the summer of ’85 when I swerved the port side into a docked boat while headed back toward the slip after a day of drinking on the water. I was never so happy to be wearing an armless garment after generously pitting out thinking the boat was going to sink. Turns out, the damage to the boat was equivalent to a flesh wound.
The only time I wore the sweater and socks together was once when I went to Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlour for a Pig’s Trough.
In the second photo, I shot the boat background around 1995-96 on my dad’s boat while heading south on the Detroit River. The wooden ship background I shot north of Amsterdam in 1986 and the dead fish carcasses background I shot on the shores of the Salton Sea in 2006.
My 80s Clothes: the In Your Face V-Neck and Rasta Sleeping Cap
The V-neck
Like a giant head of a Día De Los Muertos parade character, never before in the history of the fashion industry has a garment forced the eyes of the viewer upon the head of the wearer with such irresistible brute force as the bold striped v-necks of the 80s.
The head teeters on top, propped up and isolated from the body by thick bold stripes surrounding the neck. When capped off with a “I’m a member, are you?” coat of arms emblem, one cannot look away. The magnanimous pulchritude of the geometric lines and patterns, the enormous head hole and oversized form lock the viewer into an admiring and envious trance.
Such is the case with the goes-with-everything grey Tutto Firenze of Italy branded v-neck long sleeve pullover I bought at Venice Beach in 1988 as a package with three pairs of slouch socks for $12. It was one of my go-to sweatshirts when I roller skated at Venice every weekend of 1988 and some of 1989.
Like any garment worth its salt in the 80s, the emblem features the inner monologue of Tony Montana, “The world is yours”.
Tuck an Olde Frothingslosh beer in your pocket, gather up your Culture Club cassette tapes and you’re ready for a rockin’ beach party.
Rasta Sleeping Cap
Hot cross buns, hot cross buns
One a penny, two a penny
Hot cross buns
The gateway song to real music never sounds as good as it does when played on a bamboo flute while the player is decorated with a rasta sleeping cap and related accessories.
Purchased at a reggae festival in 1988, the red gold and green rasta sleeping cap not only keeps the heat from escaping your head, it’ll lull you to sleep when “No Woman, No Cry” repeats over and over in your head while you lie alone in bed.
Necklace: hand painted on a coconut shell, I purchased the necklace from an artist at Venice Beach in 1988. Bracelets also bought from artists at Venice in ’88 and ’89.
Cardigan: 100% cotton sweater by designer Tony Lambert bought circa 1984. Always worn shirtless in the 80s with only a couple buttons buttoned for maximum summer freedom and to stress test the “no shirt, no service” policy.
Self portrait coconut climber background photo taken in Miami in 1989.
My 80s Clothes: Swatch watch and Cazal sunglasses
Watch: Yellow and black bumblebee Swatch watch bought in 1988 on credit. Tried putting a new battery in it recently but it was dead after sitting in a drawer for over 35 years.
Sunglasses: authentic Cazal 627 Mod sunglasses I bought in 1988. No rapping skills required for purchase.