I’ve met someone. I think you’d like her. She reminds me of you. We like to camp, hike, snorkel, play scrabble and we took a class in Viking cuisine together that really made us feel closer as a couple.
She sometimes takes a shovel to my throat but that’s usually only after I say something like, “you should smile more often” or I tell her to “take it easy”. She’s really great and cares about me. When I became incapacitated because of a gout attack in my big toe and she had to wait on me hand and foot, she gave me a mixture of sleeping pills and muscle relaxers and had me down it with whiskey to help ease the pain. I had to have my stomach pumped in the ER but for a few hours I didn’t feel any pain whatsoever in my foot.
We’re going to see Jon Hamm at the Wax Museum tomorrow. She wants to get a photo of herself holding a martini with his wax arm around her waist. She says she was born a couple decades too late LOL. After that, she’s taking me to this secret spot at the LA River. She says it’s really remote and no one will know we’re there. She said she has a surprise for me.
Until next time, from glamorous Hollywood, California, your loving son,
~ “Hi Mom!’, a flash fiction story by Greg McDonald based on the photograph
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